Welcome to my blog.
It’s been happening more and more often. I’ve been losing myself so many times. I’ve been borderline for the past few months. I don’t know what to do with myself. It must be frustrating when they see me: perfectly capable, but not doing a thing. So many people… So many people… Hah.. I’m disappointing the world. So many people. I going to go insane from stress and fatigue; I’m getting crushed under the pressure and expectations. I’m going to die because I can’t take it anymore. I truly hate the general space I’ve been put into. My room is a double-edged sword. A sanctuary and a prison.
I’ve fallen so far behind. I’ve dropped down so far.
I don’t think I’ll graduate. “I think therefore I am,” I guess. Honestly, I don’t care if I don’t graduate on time. The thing that’s driving me insane are all the people. All of them. They talk to me and talk to me on the subject and it makes me want to leave deep scars in my arm. “Thankfully,” I’m too afraid of the pain to do something so drastic. Scratches, that’s all they are.
I hate it here.
The reason I stay is for the select few. I go to school to see them and partly to kill time and mostly because I’m forced to. I’m so thankful that for the most part, I have them to help me stabilize… I’m still unstable though. So radioactive… Because of all this I cry. No one really gets it, except the select few. I cry so much.. I try really hard not to, especially when I’m in public. I’m really sad though, or maybe just incredibly stressed. There are so many things to do. I guess I’ve been digging my own grave. I just really don’t care for it. I mean the irony is that I can’t stop hating myself for getting stuck in this hole.
My room is my space. I love it in here so much… But I desperately wish for someone to be here with me… Someone so very dear to me. I want to be held close. I want the gentle affections to quiet my mind.
I don’t think I could ever live by myself… Too scared… Too lonely… I want to be somewhere else though. Someplace comfy…
“This piece was primarily a trust exercise, in which she told viewers she would not move for six hours no matter what they did to her. She placed 72 objects one could use in pleasing or destructive ways, ranging from flowers and a feather boa to a knife and a loaded pistol, on a table near her and invited the viewers to use them on her however they wanted.
Initially, Abramović said, viewers were peaceful and timid, but it escalated to violence quickly. “The experience I learned was that … if you leave decision to the public, you can be killed… I felt really violated: they cut my clothes, stuck rose thorns in my stomach, one person aimed the gun at my head, and another took it away. It created an aggressive atmosphere. After exactly 6 hours, as planned, I stood up and started walking toward the public. Everyone ran away, escaping an actual confrontation.”
This piece revealed something terrible about humanity, similar to what Philip Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment or Stanley Milgram’s Obedience Experiment, both of which also proved how readily people will harm one another under unusual circumstances.”
This performance showed just how easy it is to dehumanize a person who doesn’t fight back, and is particularly powerful because it defies what we think we know about ourselves. I’m certain the no one reading this believes the people around him/her capable of doing such things to another human being, but this performance proves otherwise.”
(via gallimau-free)Source: andrewfishman